Dodging a Bullet - Because I'm an Idiot

Let me preface this post with some advice to all - DON'T use the Internet as THE source for ANYTHING!!

So last week I was watching the creepy spinning fetus to the right here and I clicked on the little thing to see what was going on with it. It is a very cool website, it will tell you what is growing this week and what Mom is going through and what Dad has to deal with. I like it a lot. But last week there was a red bubble about miscarriage (queue the Dragnet music).

It said, "The signs of the beginnings of a miscarriage are loss of blood, cramps in your abdomen and pain in your lower back."

So over the weekend I heard Karna say that her back was hurting. On Sunday she was having some pretty bad cramps. My idiot brain says "OH S#!T, 2 out of 3!!!" and without mentioning it to Karna, I have been thinking she's on the edge of a miscarriage and I was STRESSED about it all week.

So we went to her 10 week appointment today and I am praying for the heartbeat so I can breathe again. The Doc started with the sound only ultrasound device - it's for hearing the heartbeat - nothing - now I am really panicking. Karna noticed the look on my face and asked me what was going on, but I just half smiled and we all went to the room with the visual ultrasound. He immediately found the kid, but it took a few seconds to get a good angle on the heart. More freaking suspense and tension, but then I saw it (even before the Doc) - the pulsing cloud of white light on the monitor - WHEW!! I smiled and damn near cried.

The baby is doing great! It has knees already and kicked a couple of times. It had a heart beat of 158 BPM and it was moving around a lot.

What my mind failed to grasp here was that ALL pregnant women have back pain. And ALL pregnant women have stomach cramps. What a frigging moron I can be. But its because this child is very much wanted and welcome in our lives.

Next is the diagnostic ultrasound and blood test - this will tell us about birth defects like Down's Syndrome and such. If it's good, we'll know immediately. If it's questionable, there will be more tests.

This one is on my birthday, can you guess how I'll be doing until then? Better than the last couple of days to be sure, but I think I won't relax with this kid until...well probably until it's an adult...actually not, I'll relax when I'm dead.

The reality is this is a pretty cool ride to be on, today was a thrill after the car climbed to the top of the track over the last few days and started plunging down when I saw the heart beating.

I love Karna, and I love this child. I am damn near giddy with anticipation to meet it and hold it and love it and teach it and watch it grow and make mistakes and succeed.

Just keep that heart beating kid, I'll see you in a few months. Then we'll have some really great times - you, your mother and me.

Love to all,
Ty